Mary Seery Kearney (Fine Gael) | Oireachtas source

It is my great honour to second this Bill and commend it to the House. I am very grateful to hear from the Leader that the Minister, Deputy Humphreys, is supportive of the Bill.

I thank the Minister of State for being here today. I thank the Leader for bringing this forward and for being so tenacious as a Minister and also as a Leader, and for inviting me to be part of it. To Stephen, I want to say a very happy birthday. I have no doubt that today is a day of mixed emotions, cherishing his memory and the sadness of the days that were not lived with him. To Martin and Caroline and to all who have come here, but especially to Martin and Caroline, the organisation Proud 2 Parent lists these concepts among the definition of parenthood and parenting, namely, meeting basic needs, protection, love and leading. I say to them today, well done on being the most fantastic parents to Stephen, for protecting him and making sure that his life, short as it was, was one of great significance, for loving him and leading the way for so many other parents to have the significance of their babies recognised. Well done Mammy and Daddy, Stephen would be very proud of you in the universe today.Pregnancy loss at any stage can be a very difficult experience for a couple. Academic studies by psychologists have shown a significant depression and anxiety in the first month following early pregnancy loss in women. Partners have also been shown to display depression and anxiety, albeit generally at a slightly lower level. There is also evidence of post-traumatic stress symptoms relating to early pregnancy loss.

The American Psychological Association found that while the tragedy of miscarriage has traditionally been private and an event grieved largely by the mother, healthcare professionals have seen that these women's great sadness would grow less pronounced over time, especially following a successful pregnancy. That was the thinking but research suggests that some women mourn for much longer than expected, even after the birth of a healthy child, although the range and severity of the symptoms may vary. That is also true for men. Studies have found that men grieve over a miscarriage and what was once thought is no longer the academic and professionally-held view.

Miscarriages are very common. Statistics show that one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage. Its impact is often underestimated but a miscarriage is a traumatic loss. It is a loss not only of the pregnancy but of a woman's sense of self and her hopes and dreams for the future. She has lost her reproductive story and all of that has to be grieved. The tragedy of miscarriage has traditionally been private but it is right that we talk about it and bring it out into the public, and afford women and men the opportunity to mourn the much-longed-for child and that their grief is publicly recognised and supported.

Clinical psychologists have found that a woman who has a miscarriage is at risk of depression and anxiety even after having a healthy child. Women who miscarry have a greater possibility of postpartum depression. The misunderstanding about miscarriage is that a woman will experience less grief if she has lost the baby early in pregnancy. However, research has proven that is not the case and that the length of gestation has no bearing on the intensity of grief. A woman who has lost a baby at 11 weeks may be as distraught as a woman who has lost a baby at 20 weeks.

While the medical experience and the emphasis and meaning of a pregnancy may vary, labelling it a traumatic loss will validate that experience of grief. That is exactly what this Bill does – it validates the loss that has occurred and that life existed that was significant to the persons whose lives and circumstances were such that they longed for that child. Recognising the life is also recognising the loss to those who grieve.

Society, in the effort to be helpful, can be very dismissive of loss. Following the sharing of news of a miscarriage people can say that it was not meant to be or what is for one will not pass one - a hated saying of mine - and that one can try again. While well meaning, it is a thoughtless implication that the baby that was due and the grief associated with that loss is not as significant as it is.

The statement and action of this Bill was brought about by the determination of Caroline and Martin Smith that Stephen was and is significant and maybe as we move forward as a society, in having a certificate of life and a State mechanism of recognition, we will review how we treat miscarriage and respect the grief of parents. In many cases of early pregnancy loss, there is no body to hold or remains to bury and no place to go with the loss. This Bill gives a place to go and a place of recognition.

On Good Friday 2008, four days earlier than I was supposed to do a pregnancy test, I woke up in the middle of the night having dreamt that I was pregnant. I ran into the bathroom and did a pregnancy test – I had a pile of about ten of them waiting to be used. I was not in my first IVF cycle but I knew this one felt different. My body felt different. The test was a very clear positive. I did it again to be sure that I was not imagining it or still dreaming it. It was still positive. My husband - my poor Dave - was woken up by my shrieking. The two of us hugged and cried and celebrated that after seven years of marriage and trying, we were finally pregnant.

We were suddenly transformed into a family at that very early stage. Dave made me tea and brought me breakfast in bed and treated me and my wonderful body that was now holding our baby with such tenderness and love. We drove to my parents to tell them that all was great and they would finally have a grandchild and we rang my stepchildren to tell them they were going to have a little brother or sister. Everybody was delighted.

That weekend, Dave and I were in Tesco with my mother and when we came to the baby aisle, an aisle that I studiously avoided for years, he stood at the top of it and proudly invited me to walk down it and I did so. I looked at nappies and all of the bits and pieces. I even picked up Sudocrem and thought I would have that and all of the other things. We drove to Mamas & Papas and bought a baby grow, a nameplate for the door of the room that would be the nursery and I even started to crochet booties. We speculated on names, birth, the celebrations of our baby’s life, schools and a whole lifetime. We imagined our first Christmas including the decorations and visits to Santa. We planned a whole life.

In the weeks that followed, what started out as blood spotting ended in a full miscarriage. That was the first of five such losses over the next few years. Later that year, a much longer pregnancy ended on 29 December. We still have the scans. I can still hear the sounds of the heartbeat. That new year of 2008 going into 2009, we locked ourselves away. Our best friends, John and Melisa, hung groceries on the door of our house in order that we could lock ourselves away and grieve. Every year on 29 December, we go to my grandparents grave and lay a wreath on their grave in memory of the lives we lived for such a short time and the lives we lost. They are members of our family and they are in my heart and in David’s heart.

I pinch myself every day with joy for the baby that was born, via the wonderful woman who was prepared to be our surrogate and the clinic that cherished our journey to holding our baby. We celebrate her every day and while as a family we fully live and love her together, that does not diminish our need to memorialise our loved ones that were lost.

I commend the Bill to the House. I seek the support of this House - it is clear that will be unanimous - so that we ensure that for those families who wish to, they have the opportunity to have that lifetime that was lived recognised, for however long the pregnancy was, of those who are remembered and cherished and that we respect their right to grieve. I commend the Bill to the House.