Anne Rabbitte (Galway East, Fianna Fail) | Oireachtas source

It is 3 a.m. I am in my bed alone. The phone rings. I shake off the sleep and answer. A man's voice, violent and determined: “We know where you are. You need to back off the lines. We will get you.” My voice catches in my throat. I cannot breathe. I say nothing. “Are you hearing me? We will get you.” Then silence. Just me, on my own, and the darkness. Safety robbed, security violated. Should I wake my children? Are we safe? Will the guards take a phone call seriously?

Not all men but all women will identify with the feelings that come following these encounters. Not all men but all women will know them well because they are not rare. Not all men but all women grow up knowing we are not safe. Not all men but all women will learn to text their friends when we arrive home safely because, for us, it is not a given that we will. Not all men but all women know the feeling that creeps up your back when you hear steps behind you and you have to check. Not all men but all women stay away from the darkness between street lights, sprinting from one bright spot to the next, hoping to be okay. Not all men but all women look for the parking space with CCTV cameras facing them, knowing that unlocking and locking and getting into their cars is one of the most vulnerable actions. Not all men but all women take the long way back - no shortcuts or alleyways. Not all men but all women know to keep their keys between their fingers, ready to defend ourselves. This is the fight of our lives and it is exhausting. Not all men but all women watched Ashling Murphy’s story play out and felt, “There is no reason that, one day, it might not be me on the news.”

We need men to help us through this pandemic of violence against women and girls. Now is not the time for cynicism or hopelessness. There is a political possibility here, and we can move forward in a way that makes us a global leader. Let us look at how we try rape and sexual assault in this country. Let us look at the hoops women have to jump through to get justice for assault. Let us look at creating a clear message to all men that protecting women will be celebrated and that violence against them will not be tolerated at any cost. While my colleagues work to bring forth legislation that will severely penalise abusive and threatening behaviour, we cannot do nothing. This is the fight of our lives.

Programmes like in Seas Suas in NUI Galway can make a real difference if funded at third level. At its core, it is an empathy and bystander intervention and well-being training programme. Students have already said they have used the skills developed in the programme to effectively intervene in crisis situations. Can we get rid of the shadows that support male violence by literally increasing visibility with LED lights? I know I would feel safer. Can the Department with responsibility for sport introduce a condition on funding allocated to sports clubs whereby they must work to increase the awareness and protection of women in clubs and communities?

We need to tackle the abusive online culture that has developed. It cannot just be seen as part of modern political life. I need to wind back the clock to last week. I was on “The Tonight Show”, speaking about Ashling Murphy, and I was told on Twitter that I needed to shut up, while another tweet said they wanted to punch me, although they used far more abusive language. Only yesterday, after speaking on Radio 1 about being threatened by a man in my office, I was told that I love an old yarn, that I make up stories and that I am a rat. What makes matters worse is that, for some women, they fear that they are seen to be weak or whinging if they speak up, so we say nothing and the abuse continues. The simple fact is that changing a toxic culture is not easy.

Can I ask everyone here to look into their own lives, their own sphere? Are you contributing to or condoning an anti-female sentiment, and if the answer is yes, are you willing to change? Have you seen tweets about their female colleagues? Have you intervened? Have you seen distasteful jokes on WhatsApp groups and said nothing? We need you to say something. Whenever you see it, call it out. There is an opportunity in every moment. Please help us. Because it is not all men but it is all women. It will require great humility, courage and strategy but I believe the change is possible.

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