I asked my pal, the publican, if he would mind calling the Garda, which came around pretty quickly. When I rang to ask if somebody could be sent down, I was asked if I could give a detailed description of the apparel, the age and appearance, and so on, of the people involved. I said I could but that I had not the slightest intention of doing so. When asked why not, I said it had another thing coming if it thought I was going to stand in the middle of Parnell Street with a thick ear, drivelling down the phone to the effect that assailant no. 1 was wearing an off-the-shoulder number, diamanté with matching accessories and slingback shoes from Carl of Manhattan. It brought the van round and scooped them up. As they were being put into the car, one said, "You are effing joking." His lady companion stuck her head into the van and gave a description of the gardaí which I will not share with the House. When I asked why they did not arrest her, they said they had been called worse. I am waiting to have my vocabulary extended to find out what was worse than what that lassie called them.