Ms Stephanie Whyte:

I echo that in the sense that it is very important that children's views are elicited in whatever format, depending on their age. Children repeatedly tell us that for the most part they want to have a meaningful relationship with both parents. Where it gets complicated is when there is not a sufficient support system around that to delve into the complexity of relationships. These are very complex, hurtful scenarios that children are dealing with all the time and there seems to be no scope to cope with that nuance and complexity. It is not static; it is dynamic. Children's feelings change and evolve, depending on the circumstances.

Children tell us over and over again, particularly if they have observed bad behaviour by one of their parents, that when they have been bold they get into trouble, of if they have done something bad they have to acknowledge it, say that they did it and say they are sorry. When it comes to access, children sometimes say they would not mind having a relationship with their parent but it is contingent on that parent saying to the child that the parent is sorry that something happened, that the child did not imagine it, the parent did it, should not have done it and is sorry. They can then move forward in their relationship. There is, however, no support structure for those kind of conversations to be facilitated and teased out in a safe way that allows children to say these kinds of things to whichever parent it is and also for the parent to hear it, to be supported to hear it and genuinely allowed to be facilitated on a therapeutic journey, if he or she is willing and able to engage in that.

It is very complex. There are many soft supports around courts and reform of the family law courts that are needed, if we are to safeguard children's right to have a meaningful relationship with both their parents.