Ms Ranae von Meding:

I am the CEO and co-founder of Equality for Children, a not-for-profit, volunteer-led organisation that represents hundreds of LGBTQ+ families throughout Ireland. We were formed in 2019 with the intention of fighting for equal protection of children born to LGBTQ+ families in Ireland through donor-assisted conception and surrogacy. I am also, and more importantly, a proud same-sex parent to two daughters with my wife, Audrey. Ava is five and Arya is three. I am here very publicly to tell my story of how I conceived and had children with my wife, something most people present and those watching will never have to do. Most people have the right to privacy in their family life, but I and my colleagues here today have given up that right to promote change. I have told this deeply personal story to many strangers over the past six years, my hope being that, by doing so, my children will not go through the pain of having their family treated as less than.

I met my wife almost 14 years ago, and we immediately spoke about having children. For us, it was never a case of if; it was only a matter of when. We knew we would need the assistance of a donor to conceive and counted ourselves very fortunate that we potentially had some options. As we discussed it more and more, we found an amazing procedure called reciprocal IVF, which meant that one of us would carry our child while the other would give the eggs to be used to create our embryos and future children. I will not bore the members with the story of our IVF journey, but suffice it to say it was not without its heartaches and setbacks, not least of which was the realisation that Ireland, at that time, did not allow reciprocal IVF. In a similar situation to some of my friends here today, we were forced to seek medical and fertility treatment abroad to grow our family, with all of the financial, physical and emotional implications of that. We were very lucky in that we only had one early loss before I became pregnant in late 2015. It happened in the wake of marriage equality, and we could not have been happier to be starting our family in what we believed was an equal Ireland. I was five months pregnant when we got married in March 2016. We were blissfully unaware, for the majority of our pregnancy, of the legal situation our new family was in and would be in once our child arrived.

I will never forget the moment of having to register Ava’s birth. For most new parents, the birth registration is a beautiful and memorable moment, but for most parents present as witnesses today, it is a painful reminder of how our child was, and is, being treated differently because of the sex of their parents or the method of their conception and birth. I would not wish on anyone this experience or any of the pain our family has endured over the past six years. I would not wish any of the members to have to sign a legal affidavit disowning their child's other parent to obtain a passport, to have to write a will in the hope that if the very worst were to happen to them, their children would be allowed to remain in the care of their other parent, or to have to make a decision of whether to have another child because they would not be legally connected to both the member and their partner. Much of the pain my family has endured was avoidable and was caused directly by the lack of appropriate legislation. However, I would go through every moment of it again to ensure my children were protected. For every single person present and those we represent, the safety and well-being of our children is paramount to everything we do. Knowing the pain that is caused by the lack of legislation is why I am here today and why Equality for Children campaigns for all children who are left out of any current legislation, whether that is due to gaps in existing laws or, indeed, because they were born through international surrogacy, as we are here today to consider.

Most same-sex couples who want to have children require assisted human reproduction to conceive a child. Because of the circumstance of their conception or birth, most Irish children of LGBTQ+ parents are prevented from having a legal relationship with both of their parents. In turn, the security, status and protection of this relationship are simply not available to our children. Children who do not have access to legal parent-child relationships with both of their intended parents, who love and care for them every day, face many avoidable issues as they grow up, including problems with citizenship entitlements, difficulties in accessing child benefit, issues when accessing medical treatment, difficulty in obtaining a passport and when travelling, and issues with school enrolment and inheritance.

As many of the members will be aware, the Children and Family Relationships Act 2015 allowed, for the first time, some children born to same-sex female couples the right to a legal connection with both of their parents. However, a large majority of LGBTQ+ led families fall outside of the parameters of this Act, meaning only one parent can be listed on their child's birth certificate and in turn can make all of the day-to-day decisions any parent needs to make for his or her child. The gaps in this Act are significant for our families, and they include children born to male same-sex parents who are born through surrogacy; children of same-sex couples born outside of Ireland; children of same-sex female couples conceived outside of Ireland after May 2020; children conceived by same-sex couples in a non-clinical setting; and children conceived by same-sex couples using a known donor prior to May 2020.

The practical ramifications for our families being caused by the lack of legislation are far-reaching and complex. Furthermore, the emotional distress of having our children othered, as it is called, because of the sex of their parents and method of conception is hard to put into words. It is quite simply one of the worst things any parent could imagine. The impacts on our children as they grow older and realise their family is not treated in the same way is a heartbreaking reality for so many families as the years go on and LGBTQ+ families continue to live in a grey area of the law.

Ireland led the way in 2015, showing itself as a country that values equality, fairness and family. I believe that Ireland is ready.

We believe we can pave the way for an equal future for all children born through donor-assisted conception, assisted reproduction and surrogacy. We now need to finish what we started and ensure the equality we voted for almost seven years ago extends to children born into all LGBTQ+ families no matter how they were formed. In terms of assisted human reproduction, in particular international surrogacy, Equality for Children advocates for a legislative model that protects the rights of the child, the surrogate and the intended parents. We urge the committee to consider the well-being of children of all LGBTQ+ families and move to legislate to protect them and allow them the basic human right of a legal connection with both of their parents who love and care for them daily.