Ms Jacinta Murphy:

For me, the loss of awareness is huge because as bereaved parents all we want is for our babies to be acknowledged. We carried them and gave birth to them. They are part of our families and it is priceless for someone to acknowledge our babies. One cannot buy that. Often, people move on and forget and it is hurtful when one’s baby’s name is not mentioned. My daughter Katie is now 20 but I nearly crashed the car when she said to me when she was 16 that she would never be an aunt. I had never thought of the situation from the point of view of a sibling.

I have two Polaroid photographs from Galway. My infant daughter, Sara, died 14 years ago from a chromosome abnormality that was never detected throughout the pregnancy. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I knew something was wrong. It was a mother’s instinct and I kept saying something was wrong but it was not taken on board. That is one thing we must get across to professionals, namely, the need to start listening to parents. My daughter was born at 38 weeks and lived for just more than a day. The hospital and the community were fantastic but it was the weeks and months later that were so isolating. I would not wish that on anybody. I was sitting at the kitchen table and there was nobody whom I could pick up the phone and ring. I thought I was losing my reason. I remember going around a roundabout and I did not know which exit to get off, but I was afraid to say that. One day I was within inches of digging up my daughter. I was afraid to say that to anyone for about ten years. However, it is something we hear from parents all the time at support meetings and during support phone calls. We provide a facility for parents to tell us what is happening for them. We normalise it and can say that is okay, that is what it is about. I did not receive counselling at the time but I went for personal therapy years later because I was stuck in my grief. It is one of the most traumatic of losses and it is not acknowledged.